Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Waiting

I guess the retrieval went well. They took out 10 eggs and 3 of them are viable. The doctor came as I was in the recovery room and said that 3 of the 10 eggs were mature, 5 were intermediate and 2 were immature. She said that of the 5 intermediate, 3 of them looked like they were closer to mature than immature, so that after closer analysis they might determine that they might be able to work with them. Later that afternoon, they called and said that only the 3 mature eggs are viable.

I've got mixed feelings on this. I'm grateful that they've got something to work with but nervous that it's not more than 3. Even if they would have come back and said that 1 of the 3 intermediates was viable, bringing our potential total to 4, I would still be feeling great trepidation.

They icsi-ed the 3 yesterday and today we'll get a call as to how (if at all) they are progressing. I don't know if it means anything that they haven't called yet. Part of me wonders that this must mean they are still alive, otherwise there would have been nothing preventing the doctor to call and tell us it's a no-go.

I'm terrified. I am really trying to hang on and focus on the idea that everything is happening exactly as it is suppossed to. I am so much luckier and more fortunate that the majority of people on this earth and that, whatever happens, we are going to be fine - but I'm just f*ing scared. I think I thought a few weeks ago, that I'd be feeling at this point that pregnancy and children were assured. I thought I'd be feeling more confident and secure than ever, but the fact is that I feel farther and farther away from that security.

So now, we sit and wait and worry only to hope to make it to the next stage of sitting, waiting and worrying.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sending lots of good thoughts to you and your embies. Hnag in there.

Anonymous said...

The waiting and worrying is the worst. I hope you get a call with good news soon.

- Strawberry

Eva said...

The waiting is the worst. It makes me want to scream! But can do it. You are not alone. Just keep breathing and try to do it remember to take it one minute at a time. I hope they call soon with good news. xo

S. said...

having faith throughout this process is so hard. i think IVF is just one big test of letting go of control.

sorry to hear you are worrying this afternoon. treat yourself well - you're gonna need a stress-free uterus to transfer back those embies in a few days :)

hope you get some really good news soon!

Anonymous said...

It is such a gamble. I also had 10 retreived. all were mature, 8 fertilized, but we only ened up with one low quality blast and a morula. this is when I have to really beat back teh greek chours that says "Why Me?"