The Real Dr. Love

Sorry for the lack of posts lately. Work has been crazy in the week that I've been back from vacation. I've been saying for a while that taking time off is the corporate equivalent of cutting. Doing it makes you feel alive but coming back is more painful than you can imagine and will make you vow that you'll never do it again.

I'm not sure if I have anything new or interesting to say about the election, specifically Prop 8. I've been angrier than I expected and that anger has lasted longer than I anticipated. There were a number of times when I was in my car, listening to the latest on the protests on the lawsuits and I'd feel myself bubbling with rage. Almost always, the Prop 8 stories were followed by reports from what's going on in the Congo right now. Children as young as 9 and 10 being killed village to village so they won't be recruited as soldiers. My rage was almost always turned into a weak attempt to be thankful for being born in this country despite it's flaws and that things could be so much worse. That would last for a few minutes, until I'd remember that just because California isn't the Congo doesn't mean that what's happened isn't unjust and bullsh.it and then my rage would flare up again. It's tough being a Libra.

We had our first appointment with our regular OB today.

I. LOVE. THIS. MAN.

He is exactly what we needed. He has the best bedside manner I have ever experienced. He's really open - talked alot about himself what led him to practice medicine (the death of his father at an early age) and the kind of environment he wants to create with his patients. He was so respectful of our relationship and went out of his way to make us feel not just comfortable but that WE were the type of patients he wanted. He had pictures of lesbian couples and their babies all over the office. All of his paperwork was written to be inclusive of our community. He was also really touchy. He gave us both two hugs during the appointment. After all of the science and statistics we dealt with in trying to get pregnant - I'm definately ready for some touchy-feely.

He said that the baby looks perfect. Our next appointment is in a month, but he said that if we start to feel nervous before then and just want to hear the heartbeat - to call them up and they'll fit us in. Dreamy.

One thing that he mentioned that I'm looking forward to learning more about, he said that he strongly suggests that we store the cord blood after giving birth. He said that it's an investment but one that he thinks is worth it for couples working with donor sperm. He said that he's confident that the Obama administration will pave the way for more research in this area and that the storage could prove invaluable for certain illnesses that may arise. Not only will the cord blood work with this baby, but it can also work with siblings. Is anyone else out there considering this?

We're in our 10th week and feeling really good.

33.3% There...

I'm a third of the way done with what could shape up to be a perfect day.

Earlier today, we graduated from our RE and will move on to a regular OB/GYN. Our little bean is about an inch long and has a great heartbeat that we got to hear for the first time today. It was definately bittersweet to graduate - we love this clinic.

My symptoms have definately been kicking in alot more - but they are still manageable. In fact, I'm really kind of enjoying them. I've had alot more naseau - not every day, it seems like I'll have 2 days with and 1 day without. Today is a day without (hopefully tonight's election results won't do anything to change that). Instead of peeing once in the middle of the night, I'm now peeing twice. My heartburn has intensified in severity and frequency and my boobs are distractingly huge. I love it all.

Now I just need Obama to win and Prop 8 to fail and I'll have my trifecta.

Heartbeat!

We are on vacation right now, but I really wanted to find a computer so that I could post this update. A few hours before we got on the plane, we had an u/s and we saw a heartbeat! In our previous u/s, the doctor said we should see one next time, but I didn't want to get my hopes up and then be disappointed. I figured that one of the worst things I could do to myself is get myself all worked up about a heartbeat and then NOT see one and then get on a plane and go on vacation for a week and a half. We went into the appointment with the mindset that if we see one, we see one and if we don't, we don't. No big deal.

But it was there and it was beautiful and we burst into tears upon seeing it on the screen. I still get a little choked up thinking about it. It definately makes this pregancy feel more real and I've found myself really enjoying being pregnant right now rather than worrying about what will or will not happen next.

My symptoms have been pretty manageable so far. Aside from the sore bbs, frequent peeing and 2 naps a day - the heartburn is starting to kick in big time. I haven't had much naseau or anything - a few isolated incidents, but nothing debilitating. No major food aversions - except for today. We took a day trip to Provincetown and for lunch, C had a seafood bouillibasse and every once in a while a little squid would find it's way to the surface and I'd feel the walls start to cave in on me.

The computer connection we have is slower than dial-up so I'm sorry that I haven't been able to comment lately. Please know that I'm thinking about you all and hoping for the best.

One more thing...

I had a dream last night that I was drinking coffee! I huge steaming cup of Dunkin' Donuts coffee. I could taste it to distinctly - it was almost as good as a sex dream.

No Blood Test??

We had our first appointment today post testing positive. I thought it was going to be an u/s and a bloodtest - but it turned out just to be an u/s. For some reason, I'm not more nervous and uncertain that I was prior to the appointment, and the u/s gave us good news!

The can see the pregnancy and they can see the yolk sac - they are very happy. There were alot of handshakes from the doctors and hugs from the nurses. Why do I feel unsettled?

Last time I tested positive, with the IUI, my initial hcg number was low. It was 39, so we were going in every two days for more blood tests to see how it was progressing. I guess it's just that I feel that blood tests results are completely definitive whereas an u/s is subjective. How does the doctor KNOW that what he's seeing is a yolk sac? Everything looks pretty blurry on that u/s screen - isn't it his interpretation? C reminded me that this is what they do every single day - they look at that screen and see what's on it.

Next week, we go in for another u/s where the doctor said we should be able to see a heartbeat. He told us to hold off on telling the world until we see the heartbeat because the chance of miscarriage decreases after that.

I wish I could just be excited about the fact that TODAY, we got good news. We got a good report and there's no reason to think that anything bad will happen. I'm really tired and that's probably contributing to my feeling uncertain.

Still On This Rollercoaster

There is no logical reason to think that anything has gone wrong, but over the last 24 hours, I have definately entertained the idea that this being inside of me isn't thriving. My symptoms today aren't as strong as they were yesterday and Saturday.

I'm asleep by 8:30 - last night it was 10:30.
My boobs have been sore and veiny - today they aren't as noticeable.
I've been peeing alot - today not quite as often.

There's no blood, no cramping, no scary sypmtoms - just sort of nothing. All of the sites, books, etc says that this is normal, but I can't help but feel a little nervous. It's normal right?

Do you think that years from now, it's going to seem barbaric that our generation has to wait until the next doctor appointment to find out our beta numbers and ultrasound results? At what point will there be an iphone application for immediate and constant hcg monitoring?

Coffee

Hey girl – do you miss me like I miss you?
Do you ever think about me?
I know there were others – but they never meant as much as you did.
Sushi, gorgonzola, pinot noir? Girl please, I can’t even remember what they look like.
I only remember you.
Do you remember our mornings of creamy delicious goodness?
Girl, I do. I really do.

I see you walking around with others.
I can smell you on their breath.
Don’t think it doesn’t hurt me, 'cause it does.
How can you do me like that? After all that money I spent on you?
Grinders, latte machine, top of the line brewer?
For something so warm, you sure can be cold.

Girl, I promise that I’ll come back to you – will you have me?