Phew!

Despite the assurances made by the nurses, I have been a little freaked out by my low e2 level. They like to see it double every day. Here's how I have progressed:

Friday - 40
Saturday - 84
Sunday - 87
Monday - 109

I just got the call - today we are at 268!! I am thrilled - what a relief!! I'm on 300 of folli.stim, 2 vials of meno.pur and 5 of lu.pron.

U/S and bloodwork is scheduled for tomorrow - I'm excited to see how those little follies look!

On The Road

Today's u/s and blood test went well. I'm on day 6 of stims - and my lining is measuring at 7.4, which they say is great. Normally they like to see 6 at this point so I'm thrilled that we're coming out a little ahead.

Dr. Love 2.0 said that it's still really early to determine how many follies they'll be able to retrieve, but at this point, he is seeing 8, possibly more. Right now, they are all measuring around the 7-9 size.

They said that my estrogen level is a little lower than they'd like to see at this point, but that it's not too uncommon to start off a little low and then increase. I'm on 5 units of lupron, 2 vials of menopur and 250 of follistim.

Next blood test is tomorrow and next u/s is Wednesday.

No real emotional side effects from the meds - I'm starting to feel really bloated, but other than that, there has been no real effect to my mood.

So Far So Good

So far, I'm feeling great. I got home last night and took my first dose of folistim and menopur. The folistim is old hat - the menopur is new. It's a little tricky mixing the medication, but not a big deal once you get used to it. I had a little bit of a freak-out because the needle that I use to draw the water is about the size of a javelin - I had forgotten that I get to switch out the big needle for something similar in size to the Lupron needle. Crisis averted.

The folistim always has a slight burning sensation for the few minutes post-injection, but it doesn't bother me too much. The menopur goes in pretty easy, but I have felt sort of a deep dull ache afterwards. It's hard to describe - it's not as strong as a menstrual cramp or as sharp as an ovulation pain - it's like a centralized deep muscle ache. It's not bugging me that much right now - I imagine that if it gets worse as the medication continues, it might get a little distracting.

Acupuncture was GREAT last night - a really good session. Usually I fall asleep, but I was pretty reved up to get home and start the injections, so I didn't go under quite as hard - but I really felt the whole thing working last night. My whole body just felt pulsey and alive. Since I've started the stims, by practitioner introduced cupping last night. It was my first experience with it - but she suctioned these glass cups along my lower back - the idea being to increase blood flow around my lady-parts. It felt pinchy at first and then mellowed out.

I'm pretty thrilled to be feeling so good today. One of the things that I have kind of been struck with today is that I feel really strong and I especially feel brave. What we are going through, what we are putting our bodies through isn't easy on any level. I used to get sceeved out putting an earring through my ear and now I'm giving myself 3 shots a day in order to start a family. We are brave to put our bodies through this and strong to keep trying cycle after cycle. I know there are some couples out there who are struggling - I hope you can make some time for yourselves and recognize that you are amazing.

Green Light

Got the call today -we will start stims this evening. My levels are: P4 0.5 and E2 39.

I'm excited which is loads better than what I was feeling on Monday. I think what I've finally figured out (it's only taken about 4 months) is that I never really know how I'm going to feel each day - I just need to wake up and kind of go with it. This is such an emotional and physical roller coaster that I can't take any one day too seriously. If I'm having a disconnecty kind of day, I need to chill out and remember that it's most likely going to be different tomorrow.

I've got acupuncture tonight - which will be a great prelude to the injections. I'm hoping that the effects will be mild - keep you fingers crossed for me, but mostly for my wife.

Peace to all of you out there!

E2 the Blues

We had our E2 appointment today, which is the appointment that green lights the stimulants. Dr. Love 2.0 is still seeing 4 on the right and 9 on the left. He saw a small cyst in there that he doesn’t think is anything to worry about. He said it looked like a corpus luteum cyst. We’ll find out about my estrogen and progesterone levels in a few hours to know if we are OK to start the stims.

I was expecting to feel excited but I don’t really feel anything at all. I don’t know what to feel or where to go, emotionally, right now. Do I try to figure out a way to get excited about all of this and not just focus on all of those needles? If I can manage to get excited, am I better off trying to balance this excitement with some level-headedness? Will this protect me more if we don’t get a BFP? With everything that's at stake, is it even worth it to try and protect any part of myself right now? All this start and stop has left me feeling nothing. My go-to place is to get up into my head and detach a bit. I think I’d be most comfortable going through the motions for the next few days – but does taking my emotions out of this process make it less likely for this to work?

One of the things I really liked about the acupuncture in this process is that the treatment does attempt to connect me emotionally to the pre-transfer stage. What happens in this if I disconnect?

I know these are not questions anyone can really answer – I guess I just can’t quite figure out how to find faith right now. I can tell myself that whatever is supposed to be happening right now is what’s happening – but is it true if I can’t feel it?

Finally

My period arrived this morning, so we are ready to proceed to the stims. We go in on Monday for the u/s and bloodwork and if everything looks good, we'll add folisti.m and meno.pur to the daily injection schedule. 

I've taken folisti.m for our two IUI cycles and didn't experience any side-effects, but I'm not sure about the meno.pur. Does anyone have any experince with this drug? Do I need to buy my wife some flowers or a suit of armor or anything?

It Won't Be Long

One of the good things about Hurricane McFailin’ making landfall in the Twin Cities this week is that it’s providing some good distraction to our impending IVF.

I’m off the birth control pills and am just waiting for my period so that we can begin the stims. If all goes according to the master calendar, the egg retrieval should take place on 9-20 and the transfer on 9-22.

I can’t tell you how happy I am to be done with the bc pills. The Lupron isn’t having any noticeable side effects – I don’t even mind the shots all that much. The needle is really, really small and I’m thankful that I can administer it myself.

I’m trying to stay positive and grounded – but I’m nervous. I’m nervous to move beyond this point and be on the other end, waiting for news. I like being here – feeling like I’m actively involved in the lead up to the process and not just waiting for time to pass. I’m scared to think about what it means for us if it doesn’t take.

C is wonderful and supportive – but I do feel a little alone. Thank you to all of you and letting me join this community.